As i have been coming out of hibernation, I have been listening to artists that I have distantly admired for a long time, and writing as I do so.  Most recently, I was getting deeper into my love for Gods’illa, a well-respected trio of brothers out of the DMV.  What I think I love about them the most is that they support artists through their weekly platform, the UpandUp Open Mic at Club Liv in DC.Being the person I am, I decided to play the CPR BlendTape hosted by DJ Lo Down Loretta Brown aka Erykah Badu.  I know the album is almost 3 years old- I STILL like it!  So, I listened, and let my fingers work.  What follows is what I came up with.  Check it out, then make sure you support Gods’illa!

 

funny how i run away from the meditation right after,

pondering on how to not feel, feeling numb, disconnected from my self.  Or do I mean my SELF.  My emotions feel like they happen to me, independent beings taking over my spirit at various times.  I wonder if my chakras need exorcising

no, they need exercising

so that they may spin and turn freely, not get stuck like the washer when overloaded

that is what i have felt

overloaded

too much good stuff undone or nothing to do>

lies, she says, lies

 

who the heck is this she I refer to sometimes?  my way of running away again

i’ve been good at that in my life

time ticking while i click away at keys typing phased out attempts at alliteration like that is what i am supposed to

another opportunity to acknowledge that i am so much bigger than me

that i am big enough to label myself than strip that same label the next verse if i so choose

these are my musings

i can vow during this solitary listen to the CPR Blendtape to only speak my truth

to stop holding it in

i can sit in gratitude, for loving God is illa than hurting the Earth

which i have been doing for so long

let me acknowledge

that i am a star

and i have been falling in the wrong direction

my cosmos have been feeling like more of a black hole

deeply hidden in plain sight so tight yet not feelings blocked hugs kisses you don’t know i ain’t your misses just a mistress of healing

let me acnolewdlge

that i am Dream, and it is ok to be me

okay to realize that i am the culmination of your fantasies

and that those who stop at the first definition of me

that I am a state of sleep

don’t realize that they are speaking their own truth

and when you wake up, and delve deep into the original meaning of me

i am that which satisfies your ideal, you will acknowledge, and yes I am Dream

and let me acknowledge

the Gods that show me who i am when they show me the greatness they become

for many who have laid at my bosom know they are my sons

a healer of men drifting in and out of the shadows and the skies,

taking breaks from fulfilling my other goddess self’s purpose- teaching

to spread love peace and manifesting your vision to inner city communities

all the while never limiting the overarching reach of what a dream is

i can look at myself and acknowledge

that my heart and not really been broken because i never truly invested myself into a relationship

so how i can say i failed in it when i was never in it in the first place

my highest self was busy hiding from the pain that she just needs to acknowledge one time

and i acknowledge, that even these musings have been a long time coming

yet here i am spending a long time filling up with so much power, when i haven’t taken the time to unpack the pain

truthfully afraid that if opened, they would outrun all the Pandora stations put together

and that’s a long ass time to cry

a long ass time to feel for real

and i must acknowledge

that when i am actually able to acknowledge all of that pain, and then leave it where the tears pour, then I will be able to manifest all that is mine to do

yet, somehow in the recess of my mind, I know that putting this piece to the universe is a step toward that healing.

and i must acknowledge that spirit bless me with this gift so that it can heal the listeners too

give you something to ponder on

a dream to hold onto when you forget how amazing transformation is

when you forget that, like you, like I, am alive to hear this healing

and to acknowledge your Dream.