As i have been coming out of hibernation, I have been listening to artists that I have distantly admired for a long time, and writing as I do so. Most recently, I was getting deeper into my love for Gods’illa, a well-respected trio of brothers out of the DMV. What I think I love about them the most is that they support artists through their weekly platform, the UpandUp Open Mic at Club Liv in DC.Being the person I am, I decided to play the CPR BlendTape hosted by DJ Lo Down Loretta Brown aka Erykah Badu. I know the album is almost 3 years old- I STILL like it! So, I listened, and let my fingers work. What follows is what I came up with. Check it out, then make sure you support Gods’illa!
funny how i run away from the meditation right after,
pondering on how to not feel, feeling numb, disconnected from my self. Or do I mean my SELF. My emotions feel like they happen to me, independent beings taking over my spirit at various times. I wonder if my chakras need exorcising
no, they need exercising
so that they may spin and turn freely, not get stuck like the washer when overloaded
that is what i have felt
overloaded
too much good stuff undone or nothing to do>
lies, she says, lies
who the heck is this she I refer to sometimes? my way of running away again
i’ve been good at that in my life
time ticking while i click away at keys typing phased out attempts at alliteration like that is what i am supposed to
another opportunity to acknowledge that i am so much bigger than me
that i am big enough to label myself than strip that same label the next verse if i so choose
these are my musings
i can vow during this solitary listen to the CPR Blendtape to only speak my truth
to stop holding it in
i can sit in gratitude, for loving God is illa than hurting the Earth
which i have been doing for so long
let me acknowledge
that i am a star
and i have been falling in the wrong direction
my cosmos have been feeling like more of a black hole
deeply hidden in plain sight so tight yet not feelings blocked hugs kisses you don’t know i ain’t your misses just a mistress of healing
let me acnolewdlge
that i am Dream, and it is ok to be me
okay to realize that i am the culmination of your fantasies
and that those who stop at the first definition of me
that I am a state of sleep
don’t realize that they are speaking their own truth
and when you wake up, and delve deep into the original meaning of me
i am that which satisfies your ideal, you will acknowledge, and yes I am Dream
and let me acknowledge
the Gods that show me who i am when they show me the greatness they become
for many who have laid at my bosom know they are my sons
a healer of men drifting in and out of the shadows and the skies,
taking breaks from fulfilling my other goddess self’s purpose- teaching
to spread love peace and manifesting your vision to inner city communities
all the while never limiting the overarching reach of what a dream is
i can look at myself and acknowledge
that my heart and not really been broken because i never truly invested myself into a relationship
so how i can say i failed in it when i was never in it in the first place
my highest self was busy hiding from the pain that she just needs to acknowledge one time
and i acknowledge, that even these musings have been a long time coming
yet here i am spending a long time filling up with so much power, when i haven’t taken the time to unpack the pain
truthfully afraid that if opened, they would outrun all the Pandora stations put together
and that’s a long ass time to cry
a long ass time to feel for real
and i must acknowledge
that when i am actually able to acknowledge all of that pain, and then leave it where the tears pour, then I will be able to manifest all that is mine to do
yet, somehow in the recess of my mind, I know that putting this piece to the universe is a step toward that healing.
and i must acknowledge that spirit bless me with this gift so that it can heal the listeners too
give you something to ponder on
a dream to hold onto when you forget how amazing transformation is
when you forget that, like you, like I, am alive to hear this healing
and to acknowledge your Dream.
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